So let's talk about fat...

It's been over three years since I posted on this blog, and I wish I could say that I am miraculously skinny. But I am not. In fact, I am even more unskinny than I was three years ago! In fact, when I stepped on the scale yesterday morning, the number that glared (yes, glared!) back at me was a higher number than I had ever seen when I stepped on a scale. It was a sobering experience.

Now, the fact is that I had just gotten home from work yesterday morning when I stepped on the scale. So that was just like weighing myself at the end of a normal day, after eating all day. I reweighed myself when I woke up for work last night, and the number was almost five pounds less. But even if that new and improved highest-weight-ever, I am about eight pounds heavier than I was when I started Weight Watchers almost two years ago. I lost about 27 pounds on Weight Watchers that time, and how I have gained about 35 pounds. Talk about a yo-yo...

Once again, I started counting WW Points yesterday. When I calculated out the number of Points I am to aim for in a day, it was a nice, high number. A perfectly reasonable number. An easy number to stick to. I ate well yesterday, and I had to add two evening snacks to get my Points in. I should be able to do this. I have to do this.

First of all, carrying this much weight around is a health issue. I have been lucky that youth is basically on my side, but I am heading deeper and deeper into my thirties, and I won't be able to rely on that much longer. Also, I think I would really like to try to get pregnant this year. Do I want to start a pregnancy this overweight? Do I want to risk all the problems that could go along with that? Do I want to be a fat mom? Do I want to be fat at all? Finally, I would like to be more agile. And I find myself having trouble with the stupidest things...

I don't want to be fat. But I don't know if I have in me what it takes to get skinny.