And on another note...

So that diet thing? Not working...

The fat continues to sit there, and as nice as I am to it, I can't seem to convince it to leave...not without doing something like starving it (via diet) or working it (via exercise). It won't leave just to be nice. I've tried, but it says no.

Here's the thing...I don't want to diet. I want to eat whatever I want. When I allow myself to eat like I want, I am happy. Okay, maybe I am not happy. Maybe I am just not unhappy. Sure, I get that guilty feeling because I just polished off a can of Pringles, but as long as I don't enter the land of the binge, I feel pretty okay.

Of course, I want to be thinner and healthier and in better shape. So that means that it's not okay to just eat whatever looks good. There needs to be more balance. There needs to be more vegetables. There needs to be less French fries and less beer and less M&Ms.

Of course, the holidays are upon us, and as such, I sort of expect myself to fail. After all, I have never been successful at losing weight and keeping it off. I did have some success with Atkins a few years back, but that is a road I don't want to travel again. And those pounds came back on when I started eating carbs again.

So how does someone who sees herself as doomed to fail (and who is lacking in motivation) take control of her life and her health and do something about the extra poundage? I am going to try making nice with my friend the treadmill and see what we can do about this together. Because I do have a wedding dress to buy in a few months. And I don't want it to be tent-sized.

Not quite so fat...

I haven't been completely sucking at the diet this week. I have been pretty active and have been drinking plenty of water. And I have been eating food that is good for me, along with less good things in moderation. It feels good to do well...now let's just keep it up for, oh, the next 54 weeks!

Oy...

Fat, fat, fat, fat, fat

So ask me how I feel today...

Anyway, the back-on-the-wagon thing? It didn't happen. I am still eating like a porker and not drinking water and not really exercising (does one day at the gym count). Somehow, I have not gained all my weight back, but if I don't stop answering the call of the drive thru, I might end up there.

This day has started out well...let's see if I can manage not to screw it up. I am starting a challenge with my friends the Diamonds (we used to be on eDiets together and now populate an EZ Board) on Monday, so this should be good practice for the real thing...

What a rush...

If you are a dieter, you know this feeling. You know that you have done pretty well on your diet this week. You have cut out all the boredom eating and stress eating. You have been making good choices most of the time. You have been eating all your water. And a week has gone by, and it's time to check your progress. You step on the scale...

This week, I have lost 8.5 pounds. Now, some of that was, without a doubt, water weight that was put on both because it was TOM for me and because I hadn't been drinking the water my needs. However, it's a great feeling to step on a scale and have it register 8.5 pounds less than it did a week ago. I am going to take that feeling and run with it. I know every week won't be like this!

The funny thing is that I went over my Points plenty of times this week. But you know what I stopped doing? I stopped grazing when I was bored. I stopped eating just because I thought it was time for a snack. I listened to my body. When it told me it was hungry, I fed it. When it told me it was full, I stopped eating. It felt almost...normal. It felt good.

K.I.S.S.

Sometimes, I can be a little detail-oriented. Some might even call me anal. And when I set out on a new diet, I want to do everything "right."

I want to exercise. I want to take all those weird supplements that are recommended in various health and fitness magazines. I want to drink 80 ounces of water everyday. I want to eat at least 10 superfoods, get in all my fruits and veggies, stay away from processed foods, and avoid caffeine. And every week, I want to weigh myself and measure all my body parts so I can see the progress I am making.

And I do this for a few weeks. And then I get burnt out. It's a pain in the ass to measure my hips, waist, bust, two arms, two thighs, and two calves every week. It's hard to drink that much water some days. It gets really tiring to swallow ten supplements every morning. And sometimes, I want to take my veggie calories and spend them on something else, like a serving of Goldfish crackers.

But the bar has been set, and it has been set high. As soon as I fail at one of my endeavors, I figure I might as well just give up. So I do...I fall off the wagon, and I can't see my way to getting back up on it. I have failed at a diet once again. I knew it; you knew it; we all knew it. There is no way I could keep it up.

Well, I would like to think that this time it can be different. And to give myself a better shot at success, I am adopting the motto "Keep It Simple, Stupid." I will weigh myself every week, but I won't measure. I will make a multi-vitamin and a glucosamine dose (for my knees), but all the CoQ10 and Fish Oils and Carotenoid Complexes? They will not be part of my plan. I will drink as much water as I feel thirsty for, and I will drink some Crystal Lite, and I will aim for 64 ounces of those two things in combination. And if I miss a veggies dose one day but still stay within my Points Range (did I mention I am a Weight Watchers girl?), the day will still be a success. I will pay attention to my superfoods, but they won't rule my life.

Let's all take a deep breath and relax. Here's to dieting not being a full-time job! I just don't have room in my life for one of those right now...

Let's talk...

...about Food. It's all around us. It sustains us. It entertains us. It tempts us. And many people have a problem with it. I am one of those people.

A recent trip to the grocery store...planning all the foods that I was going to pig out on...reminded me once again that I have a problem. I don't have a healthy relationship with food. I eat food out of boredom or to calm my stress or because it happens to be there. I don't eat like a "normal" person. I eat like someone with an addiction. And I don't want to be like that.

My old blog, "The Size of My Thighs," is here no longer. That blog was a self-deprecating look at life as an overweight woman trying to get a laugh. This blog is the nitty-gritty. You will hear about what I think about my eating habits. You will hear the good and the bad. You will hear me refer to my thighs as my "hamhocks." I am hoping they will get smaller.

I get married in about 13 1/2 months. I don't want to be a fat bride. Join me on this journey to a slimmer me...but don't be surprised if the ride is a bumpy one!